


Together We Burn

by volkovec



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Graphic Description, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, POV Third Person, Past Levi/Erwin Smith, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Spoilers, implied levi/erwin - Freeform, will update tags as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:54:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29596548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volkovec/pseuds/volkovec
Summary: She knew what she was getting herself into joining the Survey Crops, predicted every possible outcome. At least she thought she did.The one thing she never saw coming, was Levi Ackerman.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/You, Levi Ackerman & Original Female Character(s), Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Original Female Character(s), Levi Ackerman/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, it's been years since I've written fanfiction but getting back into AOT has rekindled my love for Levi and I just feel compelled to write this. This is written in third person, and I gave the character a name because I find second and first person uncomfortable to write in, but if you prefer it to be written in second or first person I'm willing to put in some effort to change it. 
> 
> The main character is also an adult! She's meant to be somewhere in her early 20's, the exact age doesn't really matter, I just want to clarify she is an adult. 
> 
> Anyways, if there's anyone here reading this, I appreciate you and I'll try to keep this as frequently updated as possible.
> 
> Thanks for stopping by!

She’d tried to prepare herself. Spent the last three years letting that little voice in the back of her head remind her no matter how close she got to the people around her she would lose them eventually. Knew that facing death, whether her own or her friends, was inevitable. 

Yet she hadn’t expected to face it so soon. 

Thomas, Mina, Franz, Marco, they even would have lost Eren, and so many others if it hadn’t been for Eren’s Titan ability. Not to mention all the senior soldier’s she’d never even gotten to meet that were lost during the fight. 

Hell, even she might not have made it if it hadn’t been for the Scouts last minute involvement. 

It wasn’t surprising to her how many of the survivors ended up choosing to join the Survey Corps, after everything they’d been through and seen it felt wrong to try and run from it now. This was no longer a method to just try and comfortably survive. It was war now, and everyone felt the need to fight.

She’d wanted to join the Scouts from the start, to be a part of something bigger, to be able to somehow help make a difference. To finally find some answers and figure out what the hell is going on outside of those walls. 

But the excitement of being here, part of the Scouting Regiment, was lost on her now. She’s spent the last few days overwhelmed by this kind of shell shocked numbness. 

Even during Commander Erwin’s speech, his words seemed so far away. They didn’t inspire courage, or drive, or fear, or regret. She just felt nothing, resigned, accepted that it was simply her fate. 

Even when the new recruits arrived, she’d wanted to be relieved when she saw Eren, saw how well they seemed to be treating him, that he was still ok. Wanted to be happy when she saw so many of her still remaining friends and peers all side by side again. Wanted to be angry, wanted to be sad, wanted to be anything. To  _ feel _ anything. 

But there was a switch somewhere in her brain that had been hit, and now she doesn’t know how to find it again. 

Tonight, like most nights since she’s arrived, she finds herself outside, landing blow after blow on the training dummy before her. 

Something about being in motion makes the endless, silent echochamber of her mind more bearable. Being still makes the silence almost disorienting. Like if she just stopped moving long enough everything in her would cave in on itself and she would be lost in that numb, empty void forever.

“Gosh, that kid is still out there?” Hange mutters as they glance out the window to the courtyard below. 

“Yeah, she’s been at it for like an hour now,” Petra frowns. “She’s going to hurt herself if she keeps at it like that.”

“Should we get one of the rookies to go talk to her?” Hange glances over at Petra but the woman just shrugs.

“No.” They both turn as Levi sets his cup down before pushing out of his chair with a sigh, “I’ll get her.”

He remembers seeing her, more distinctly remembers being impressed by her performance during their battle to reclaim the Trost district. She was new, and sometimes still clumsy but he saw the promise in her.

But he’d seen the vacancy in her eyes as soon as the rookies had arrived. She was quieter and more resigned than the rest of them. From what he understands she’s also older than most of them, and he knows nothing about her but he’s willing to bet her struggles started long before she joined the Training Corps.

He stops as he reaches the edge of the courtyard, watching her land another blow on the dummy. There are splotches of red on the fabric, a few drops leaving trails as they drip. He tries to follow her hands to see how badly she’s injured herself but she won’t stop moving.

“Hey,” he shouts.

She doesn’t even register the sound as being directed towards her. Just continues her endless assault.

“Hey, I’m talking to you,” he shouts louder this time, taking a few steps closer. “You should stop before you hurt yourself.”

She just keeps swinging, blow after blow, air hissing between her teeth every time she makes contact. 

He scowls before rushing forward, catching her elbow just as she draws back to swing again. He twists her arm behind her back before turning her away from the dummy and pressing her face down into the dirt. 

She struggles against him, but the dirt gives way under her fingers and she can’t seem to budge his weight which he’s settled on her lower back. 

“Get off me!” She snarls, still squirming fruitlessly beneath him.

She gives an earnest struggle, but he keeps her easily pinned with one hand still holding her arm behind her back and his knee pressing into her lower back. 

“Not until you calm down,” his reply is calm, even, too much so for how frayed she currently feels trying to fight against him and something bubbles in her chest.

At first it’s anger, hot and consuming, spreading through her chest and up into her face. But then it caves to something else, a kind of helpless panic, turning into a tightness behind her chest and in her throat, burning behind her nose until it makes her eyes water and she has to gasp for breath. 

“Let me go!” She wails, like a trapped animal, desperate and mindless with no drive to do anything other than escape.

Dirt cakes onto her hand as she claws at the ground, trying to find some kind of purchase to fight against him.

“That’s enough,” he snaps, squeezing down hard enough on her wrist for it to hurt and she gasps. “Give it up kid.” 

And that’s what does it, something about the softness of his voice, of the pain radiating up to her shoulder, of the ache in her chest as she gasps in mouthfuls of air, flips that switch back into place.

Then it all crashes down on her like waves, her rage, her grief, her exhaustion, her helplessness in it all.

She goes limp beneath him, sobbing into the dirt and he finally releases her, staring down at her and he straightens back up. He watches her for a moment before he steps around in front of her and squats down. He takes one of her hands, and when she doesn’t resist he carefully uncurls her fingers. Nothing looks broken at least, but her knuckles are busted and he’s sure by tomorrow they’ll be so swollen and bruised her hands will be close to useless. 

He lets her hand fall back onto the dirt before glancing at her face. Her eyes are closed but tears still run from the corners, a hand pressed over her mouth to muffle her near silent sobs and trembling breaths. 

“Make sure you get those cleaned up.” He stands back up and shoves his hands in his pockets. “And don’t be stupid, you’re useless if your hands are broken.” 

She curls in on herself as he walks away, cradling her throbbing hands to her chest as she cries. 

She’s not sure how long she lays there, minutes, hours, finally allowing herself to feel everything she’d tamped down. It feels endless and yet the sky remains dark and the stars bright by the time it all fades.

Once she manages to pull herself together she pushes herself off the ground and drags herself inside. 

“Lotte!” She looks over at a startled looking Krista, her blue eyes wide and full of worry as she stares at her. “Are you ok?” 

“I’m fine,” Lotte looks down at her blood and dirt covered hands which now ache through every joint and tendon. “Just need to take care of these.” 

“Oh, let me help,” Krista offers, gesturing to one of the empty seats. “Please.” 

Lotte takes the seat and Krista hurries off before reappearing with an arm-full of supplies. She takes the seat across from Lotte before carefully laying everything out. 

The petite blonde works quickly but with impressive tenderness, washing the muck from her hands, cleaning out the open wounds and then firmly wrapping her hands and fingers in clean bandages. 

“Thanks,” Lotte murmurs once Krista has finished, sniffling and reaching up to rub at her dry eyes. 

“It’s no problem, you should really be more careful though. You’d be in a tough spot if you broke any fingers,” Krista brushes back a loose strand of hair. “Are you sure you’re ok though? You’ve been … quiet since we got here.”

“Yeah, I’ve just been trying to process everything,” Lotte sighs, staring down at her bandaged hands.

That image of Marco’s face, half gone, covered in blood and grime, his freckles still visible against the lifeless pallor of his skin, will be forever burned into her mind. But even worse was the look in Jean’s eyes when she had found him. Haunted, guilty, despondent. 

Why is it so hard to let go?

Why do they cling so hard to things they know will eventually be ripped away from them?

“How’ve you been holding up?” Lotte asks, pressing her bandaged hands to her stomach as she watches the other girl. 

Being one of the older recruits, it’s left her in a place feeling a bit like an older sister to most of them. She worries about them. She wants to be stable, and strong, and there for them. She can only imagine how scary and disorienting this is for them at such a young age. They’re still just kids.

Or at least they should be. 

“I’m… ok. We’re all shaken and trying to figure it out in our own ways I guess.” Krista blinks a few times, and Lotte just catches the way her eyes gloss over. “It’s scary, but we’re here now. There’s no going back.”

“Yeah.” Lotte watches her for a moment before placing a hand lightly over hers and giving a gentle squeeze. 

Krista looks up at her and offers as genuine of a smile as she can manage, but Lotte can still see it. The set in her jaw, the way she’s fighting back tears.

“You should get some rest. What are you doing up so late anyway?” Lotte asks, taking a quick glance around to confirm there isn’t anyone else downstairs with them. 

“O-oh, well,” Krista’s cheeks go a light shade of pink as she looks away. “I heard someone come downstairs, and came to see who it was since I was having trouble sleeping. But then I heard you yelling outside and then Captain Levi came back and … I wanted to make sure you were ok.” 

“Thanks Krista, I probably just need a good sleep. It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve actually slept through the night,” Lotte stands and stretches, wincing at the ache in her arms, stretching down her lats and around her back. “You should try and get some rest too. As best as you can.”

Krista nods and stands with her, the two girls walking upstairs together and saying a quiet goodnight before heading to their rooms. 

Lotte cleans herself up and changes into her sleeping clothes, staring down at her gauze wrapped hands. 

She should talk to Levi, apologize at least. She’s never really had a full conversation with the man, and his intervention is actually the first time they’ve spoken directly to one another. Not a very good foot to start off on. 

But that conversation can wait until morning. She’s already taken up enough of his time tonight. 

She drops down on the bed and stares up at the ceiling, settling under her blankets until she’s comfortable. She’s so exhausted she doesn’t even really have the chance to think or dwell on anything.

Tonight her mind is merciful, and lets her drift easily off into dark unconsciousness. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again friends,
> 
> thank you to everyone who's left kudos and support, I really appreciate it!
> 
> And if you're here reading this chapter too, thanks for stopping by :) Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> (also I'm posting this at almost 5 AM so I apologize for any typos or mistakes :s)

The new recruits spent the day doing riding lessons. The horses were well trained enough to know mostly what to do on their own. They required minimal leading, just nudges in certain directions, making for a fairly easy day of training. One of the easiest days so far in all honesty. There were of course still those that seemed to struggle a bit more with getting the animal to cooperate then others, but it was lighthearted and easily corrected.

At the end of it they were all assigned a horse and instructed on how to care for them, which they were encouraged to do in order to bond with the animals. 

They were all also very firmly told what foods they are, and are not, allowed to give the horses as treats.

“God, my ass is killing me,” Connie grumbles, rubbing at his butt and thighs as they walk back to the dining hall. 

“It’d probably help if you had more of an ass,” Sasha chuckles, completely unfazed by the glare he shoots back at her. 

“Lotte, are your hands ok?” She snaps her head to her right as Armin jogs up to walk beside her, the boy standing maybe half an inch above eye level with her. “You looked like you were having a hard time with the reins.” 

“Yeah I’m fine, just a little swollen and sore,” she admits with a sheepish smile, giving a noncommittal gesture with her bandaged hands. “It’s kind of hard to really grab anything.”

“Well, at least training was fairly easy today then.” He frowns over at her as he talks, those round blue eyes flickering back down to her hands.

“Yeah, I was able to do most my leading with my legs thankfully. I don’t know what I would have done if we’d been working with the ODM gear, or combat training,” she sighs, picking at a piece of the gauze that’s starting to come loose. “It’s my own fault though. I should’ve known better.”

It’d been an embarrassing, frustrating night but she felt better for it. She’d needed that release of emotion that had been building up and somehow Levi putting her in that position of feeling trapped and helpless had been the catalyst. She’d been trying so hard to hold it together for everyone else that apparently all she needed was someone to come along and make her feel small enough to not matter to finally break.

But last night had been one of the best nights of sleep it felt like she’s had in years, it was dreamless and she actually woke up feeling rested. She also no longer feels like she’s going to be swallowed by an apathetic void. 

She doesn’t necessarily feel happy, or carefree, but she feels and that's really all that matters to her at this point. 

“But are you doing ok?” He asks, lowering his voice so only she can hear him.

She’s found herself drawn to the boy since the day she met him, something about his soft nature. He reminded her of her little brother, and he filled her with the same kind of drive to protect. To make sure he didn’t get hurt and in turn he made sure she was holding together.

“Yeah, I’m good. Are you ok?” She offers him a soft, but still genuine smile and after a long moment he returns it.

She’d thought it odd when she first saw him in the Training Corps, he seemed far too gentle and kind to be there. But after seeing him interact with Eren and Mikasa she understood why he was there, and after getting to know him better she no longer sees him as so out of place.

He’s not the most physically gifted of the bunch but he still isn’t weak, and the kids the closest thing to a genius she’s ever met. 

“Y-yeah, I’m ok. It’s been a lot to process with Eren and his ability and I-I … I’m ok,” He assures her with a small nod. 

“You’re allowed to grieve for them Armin, they're your friends.” She places a hand on his shoulder.

He blinks over at her, his eyes widening and for a moment she thinks he might cry but he steels himself. His expression of sorrow quickly replaced by one of determination.

“My energy is put to better use moving forward, and making progress so none of their deaths were in vain. I’ll make sure their sacrifice is worth it in the end,” he says, with such strong conviction she finds herself slightly moved.

Maybe that’s the mindset she should adopt, it’d probably help her avoid any repeats of last night.

“You’re a pretty impressive kid you know,” she says, smiling when his cheeks go a faint shade of pink.

“N-not really,” he chuckles, rubbing at the back of his neck. “But I’m glad you think so Lotte.”

The gauze on her hands is dirty from handling the horses so she unravels it as she sits down to eat. Her first knuckles are busted and scabbing over, angry and red looking, her second knuckles are less swollen but still red and bruised. She gives her hands a few experimental, slow curls but every time she attempts to make a fist her scabs feel like they’re about to rip. It’ll take a long time for them to heal and she’s sure she’ll reopen the wounds several times before then. 

“Damn, I feel bad for whoever was on the other side of that,” Reiner drops down beside her, gesturing to her hands.

“Yeah that training dummy didn’t even know what hit him,” she scoffs down at her bowl of food. 

“Well … I’m sure he regrets whatever the hell he did to deserve that kind of beating,” the blond man grins over at her and she smiles back, turning to Bertolt as he sits down across from them. 

All sitting together eating is almost just like training, just missing a few characters. She glances over at Jean who’s wrapped up in some kind of heated discussion with Ymir.

“I wonder what Annie is up to,” she muses.

She couldn’t say her and Annie ever got close, but she wasn’t really sure anyone could say they were close to Annie. Except maybe Armin, the stoic girl had always seemed to have a bit of a soft spot for him. 

There’s a flicker of something across Bertolt's face, his gaze momentarily shifting to Reiner before looking down at his food. She frowns, trying to read something from either of their expressions but they don’t give her anything else. Whatever Bertolt had been thinking was gone and Reiner doesn’t seem particularly fazed one way or the other.

“Probably being lazy and living it up with all the other spoiled Military Police,” Reiner talks around a mouthful of food and Bertolt gives a sort of halfhearted nod of agreement. 

“It’s a shame honestly, if she had as much drive as she has talent she would have made an impressive scout,” Lotte taps at the table.

“We’re better off without her bad attitude anyway,” Reiner dismisses the topic easily enough and Lotte lets it go. 

Lotte doesn’t eat much and ends up giving the rest of her unfinished lunch to Sasha who’s more than happy to make sure it doesn’t go to waste. A bit more small talk is exchanged as they finish up their lunches before heading for the meeting rooms.

They spend the entire lesson going over formations, and what the different smoke flare signals mean and how to respond appropriately. It’s again not terribly difficult material but it’s still crucial regardless of how uninteresting it is. She maps out the formation pattern in her notebook, just so she can come back to it later and memorize it. 

Krista catches up with her as they leave the meeting room, looking as soft and bright as ever.

“How are your hands?” She asks, gently taking one of Lotte’s hands in her own and giving her knuckles a scrutinizing look over.

“They’re fine, a little sore but they’ll heal. Thanks again for your help last night.” Lotte pulls her hand back to her side once Krista has released it.

“Of course! It was really no trouble. I’m just glad you’re alright, you look better today.” Krista smiles gently up at her.

Lotte’s own smile falters at the tug in her chest. It doesn’t seem right, for someone so young and kind to be here with her, where they might not live long enough to ever see as many years as she has. She deserves a long, happy life, they all do, but they don’t live in a world that will allow that. 

“Yeah, I do feel better today.” 

“What are you two smiling about?” Ymir drapes an arm over Krista’s shoulders, pulling the smaller woman in closer. 

“I was checking on how she’s doing,” Krista’s answer is slightly muffled by the way Ymir’s arm drapes around her neck and over her face. “She’s hurt.”

“Just some busted knuckles, but thanks to you helping me get patched up last night I’m sure they’ll heal in no time.” Lotte smiles, playing it up just to get a slight rise out of Ymir.

Her sharp eyes narrow as she eyes Lotte over. She knows Lotte’s not a real threat, but she’s so damn possessive of the petite blonde woman it takes quite a bit of reminding herself that’s the case to calm down. 

She rolls her eyes before looking down at Krista and whispering something Lotte can’t hear into the other girl's ear.

“D-don’t be like that!” Krista’s eyes widen, cheeks going a faint pink and Ymir looks thoroughly pleased.

Lotte takes that as he cue to go, offering Krista a small wave before walking ahead.

When she enters the dining hall for dinner Armin waves her over and she takes the empty seat beside him. Jean and Eren are wrapped up in some kind of heated debate and she has no doubt people are placing bets on how soon it will turn into a brawl. From what she’s heard of their conversation it doesn’t sound like they’re actually debating anything, it’s more so just a battle of egos.

“What prompted all this?” Lotte asks as Eren and Jean seem to have settled into a kind of glare staring match.

“I couldn’t even tell you,” Mikasa sighs, Eren constantly in her periphery even as she eats. 

“Jean told Eren the Titans he kills as a Titan don’t count, kills only count if he’s in human form,” Armin tells her.

“Which is ridiculous! How is that fair?” Eren shouts, slamming his palms down against the table.

“Not fair? No one else here can turn into a Titan! That’s the only way it’s fair!” Jean rebuttals.

For a moment Lotte really thinks they might just launch across the table at each other. Eren’s mouth is twisted into a scowl and Jean is glaring just as passionately back.

“Eren.” Mikasa places a hand on the boy's shoulder, fingers pressing just a bit harder into his skin than they really need to. 

He tenses, jaw clenching before he huffs and leans back into his seat. He crosses his arms and all but pouts down at his plate of food. Jean relaxes back into his own seat, shaking his head before digging into his food. Everyone else turns their own attention back to their food, a few disappointed mumbles making their way to their end of the dining hall.

Lotte can feel the relief rolling off Armin and Mikasa, despite the lingering look Mikasa shoots at Jean. 

“I doubt what form you’re in will matter to the Titans,” Lotte offers, trying to defuse some of the remaining tension. “A dead Titan still means one less Titan.” 

“Oh, you’re siding with him now?” Jean scowls over at her, dark eyes catching the dim light as they shift her way.

“I’m not siding with either of you, it’s a stupid argument in the first place,” She laughs and Jean’s expression softens slightly. “I’m just saying, I don’t care how it comes about. I won’t complain about there being one less Titan out there for us to worry about.” 

He falls silent, but nods in concession as he turns back to his food. Eren seems to have relaxed a bit more as well and that’s enough of a result for Lotte. 

They eat the rest of their dinner in relative peace, heading back to their rooms in a large group as they all idly chatter. There’s a cool breeze that stings Lotte’s nose and makes her eyes water. She pauses in the courtyard, glancing over at the wing with the officers' offices. There’s still light coming from the window she believes would be attached to Levi’s office. 

“Something wrong?” Jean asks, following her line of sight before looking down at her and she quickly turns toward him.

“No, I just remembered I need to talk to Captain Levi,” she dismisses and he arches a brow at her.

“The man doesn’t sleep so don’t worry about keeping him up or anything,” Eren interjects as he passes by. “Just knock and say it’s important.” 

“Oh, ok, thanks.”

Eren shrugs before continuing on his way back to their rooms.

“Well good luck with that, dude fuckin’ scares me,” Jean whispers before shooting her a playful wink as he follows after the others. 

She watches them walk a bit farther away before heading inside. There’s no one walking about the halls at this hour but there’s still a few lights scattered here and there that make navigating the hallways easier. She passes by Commander Erwin’s office before coming to a stop in front of Levi’s office door. She stares at the grain in the wood and takes a few deep breaths before raising her hand. She knocks lightly enough on the wood not to hurt her hands, but definitely loud enough to be heard and bites at her lower lip.

She can hear her heart beating in her ears, breathing more rapidly with each passing second. Hands run idly over one another, eyes still glued to that spot in the wood grain that’s almost a perfect circle. 

The door swings open and she blinks, tilting her face up to meet Hange’s eyes as they step into the door frame.

“S-Section Commander! I’m sorry, I thought-”

“Hey, it’s you. What a coincidence, how are your hands?” Hange grabs one of Lotte’s wrists, lifting her hand close to their face as they inspect her busted knuckles. “Woah, you must have a high pain tolerance. You weren’t pulling your punches at all! But you didn’t break any bones, so your form is solid. Where did you learn?” 

“W-well I-”

“Leave her alone Hange,” Levi interjects, appearing beside them. “I doubt she came here to be interviewed.” 

“Eh, whatever.” They drop Lotte’s hand before leaning forward and whispering, “don’t be afraid to come by my office sometime. I’d love to ask you some questions.” 

They walk off without another word leaving Lotte blinking at Levi, trying to recompose herself after that unplanned encounter.

“You don’t have to just stand out there,” Levi says after a moment of silence and Lotte feels her face burn.

She clears her throat before stepping into his office. He closes the door behind her before walking back to his desk. He doesn’t sit, just lifts his tea cup to his mouth and takes a sip, and waits for her to speak.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” she finally manages.

“You did me a favor, they never would have left otherwise.”

“I um,” she swallows, trying her best not to fidget but she feels so small under that cool, unwavering stare, despite the fact she’s basically the same height as him. “I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night, I shouldn’t have lost control like that, and it was never my intent to ignore or disobey you, Captain.” 

He eyes her over for a moment. The slight fidgeting of her hands, the slump of her shoulders, her wide but evasive eyes. He has no doubt she’s genuine, in fact he’s surprised by how genuine she is. He wasn’t expecting her to address last night at all, much less get an apology.

“Where did you learn to throw a punch like that?” He asks and her eyes finally meet his.

He looks almost bored, but there’s just the slightest quirk to his brow as he takes another sip of his tea.

She swallows, her mouth suddenly going dry. The first time she’d ever thrown a punch it had been sloppy and weak and she’d managed to break her pinky. She broke it again the second time. It still aches sometimes, especially in the cold, the digit refusing to fully straighten without a concentrated effort. 

“It’s just something I picked up,” she breathes.

He watches her for a moment longer, she’s no longer fidgeting as much but she also seems further away now. Something in her eyes, mentally somewhere else. 

“Is that all then?” He asks, dropping into his seat and she snaps back to herself.

“Y-yes sir, that was all I wanted to say.”

“Very well. You’re dismissed,” he sighs before turning his attention to the piles of paperwork on his desk. “And your apology is accepted.”

A rush of relief washes over her and a weight seems to lift off her chest as she takes in an easy lungful of air.

“Yes sir,” she pauses in the doorway before adding a quick, “have a good night Captain.”

She closes the door before he can look back up at her or say anything else. Her legs go slightly boneless beneath her as her body drops from it’s adrenaline high. She takes a deep breath and pushes a hand through her hair.

Not wanting to linger here any longer than necessary she hurries back to the barracks, eager to slip into her pajamas, and have another night of dreamless sleep. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy, we're getting into more Levi interaction, I promise there will be more Levi in the upcoming chapters as well. 
> 
> Again thank you all for leaving your kudos and support, and for stopping by and giving this story a read.

She was graced with one full week of easy, dreamless sleep. Of waking up feeling rested and ready to take on the days ahead. 

But now she lays in bed staring at the ceiling three hours past midnight, not even the slightest hint of fatigue in her mind. She had thought that the amount of physical energy exerted during training would help overcome her insomnia. Once again she has been proven terribly wrong.

She keeps thinking of her conversation with Levi, of her mother. Her tired eyes and warm calloused hands, her carefree laugh.

Lotte pushes herself upright, giving her head a firm shake. It won’t do her any good to think about it.

Not now.

She tiptoes as quietly out of her room as she can, doing a quick glance up and down the hallway to make sure no one else is awake. Once she knows it’s safe she heads for the stairs. Might as well enjoy the fire and a book until it’s time to wake.

The one day in years where they actually get to sleep in, and she can’t sleep. That would be her luck.

She freezes in the doorway to the common room.

The fire is flickering high and restless in its place, casting long shadows across the stone floors. One of the chairs before the fire is already occupied. They sit with their elbow propped on the arm rest, their head held in their hand. There’s a still steaming cup of tea set on the end table between the two seats. The warm light of the fire catches on pieces of his black hair, bringing out the warm red tones beneath it. 

“Are you just going to stand there?” He asks, not even turning to look at her, instead bringing the cup to his mouth to take a sip.

“Sorry Captain, I didn’t think anyone else was awake.” She feels like a child caught sneaking out of bed, her heart skipping a few beats in her chest.

“Just sit down,” he sighs before setting his cup back down with a quiet click as porcelain hits porcelain.

She bites the inside of her cheek before stepping forward. She keeps her eyes on the fire as she lowers herself into the chair beside his, tucking her knees up to her chest. 

The flames lick at and chase the smoke that travels up the chimney, leaving black trails of soot in their path. The warmth radiating off of it is comforting, she closes her eyes and lets herself relax. If she lets herself she can feel the aches in her body that now seem to be constant, legs and back constantly sore from their ODM gear and harnesses. Bruises permanently etched into her skin from the constant pressure and wear. 

“How are your hands?” He asks and she opens her eyes, blinking over at him as he brings his cup once more to his mouth.

“Fine, mostly healed now, Sir.” She curls her hands into fists against her thighs before letting them spread back open again as if to prove her point.

The skin on her knuckles are still slightly discolored, but they’re mostly healed over, leaving behind thin layers of scar tissue. 

“Good.”

They slip back into silence and she chews at her lower lip, drumming her fingers against her shins.

“Having trouble sleeping, or do you just always wake up this early?” She asks to try and break the silence.

“Insomnia isn’t an uncommon ailment here,” he answers, shifting so he’s resting against the back of the chair.

“So it seems,” she whispers, resting her chin on the top of her knee as she continues to watch the fire burn.

They fall into another stretch of silence, but this time she lets it stay that way. She feels more comfortable staying quiet than trying to force a conversation out of him. Every once in a while she’ll see him lift his cup out of the corner of her eye, and then hear the gentle sound as he places it back down. Sometimes she thinks she might actually be able to hear him breathing.

“Your parents must miss you, I see you getting letters all the time” he says suddenly and she jolts, one of her feet nearly slipping off her chair. “Perhaps I misjudged, a lover then?” 

“No! I mean, I don’t have a lover. I don’t have parents either, anymore- They’re from my siblings!” She fumbles, feeling her face burn as he watches her with one eyebrow gently arched. “I pretty much raised them so, it’s probably weird for them to not have me around.” 

“So, you’re the oldest?”

“Yes sir, I have twin brothers and a little sister.” She smiles fondly at the thought of them. “I love them but, I’d be lying if I said I’m not at least a little glad to be away from them.”

He hums gently before shifting in his seat, crossing his right ankle over his left knee. Despite him resting against the back of the chair he still doesn’t look very … relaxed. In fact she can’t recall a time where she’s seen the man look anything comparable to relaxed. 

“I understand it’s probably hard being away from your family and losing your friends, but if you black out like you did in the courtyard you and your friends will die out there.” His tone isn’t particularly harsh or chastising but she still feels like a child being told off. “You’ve got to learn to deal with it.”

She swallows, staring down at her hands as she processes. She knows he’s right, but it still hurts a bit to hear it. 

“How do you deal with it?” She whispers, turning to look at him after the words have passed her lips.

He doesn’t so much as even twitch at her question, just smoothly turns his head to look over at her, leveling her with that cool stare.

“Those that have given their lives didn’t give them for us to call it quits, so until their lives serve a purpose I will continue.”

Her eyes widen slightly, his words reminding her of what Armin had said to her a few days before. There’s a tug in her chest and she curls her fingers into the fabric of her pants.

“Captain I-”

“Oh, wasn’t expecting to find you here too.” Lotte turns at the sound of Hange’s voice. “What a pleasant surprise.” 

They stand in the doorway with their arms crossed loosely over their chest, an easy smile on their face.

“Good morning Section Commander,” Lotte offers meekly, a bit relieved that Levi’s attention has been shifted elsewhere.

“Ooh, how polite. Levi, you never tell me good morning.” Hange offers a playful pout but Levi just sighs in response. 

He puts his now empty cup back down before standing from his seat and stretching. “Time to wake up the kids?”

“It sounds so domestic when you say it like that,” Hange chuckles but again Levi remains impassive to their teasing.

“I’ll do it,” he says, heading for the stairs before pausing and turning back. “Hange, Lotte will be sitting out of training today.”

“But sir I-”

“She’s not feeling well.” He cuts her off before she can try to convince him otherwise or ask why.

And then he continues on his way, walking with a measured, almost lazy pace up the flight of stairs. 

“Well, since you’ve got the day free, mind if I steal you for a bit?” Hange asks, bending slightly to be closer to eye level with Lotte.

“Not at all.” She feels like now she doesn’t really have much of another option, but she also finds Hange a curious character and isn’t opposed to spending time with them.

“Great! I’ll wait down here while you get dressed.”

Lotte nods, quickly pushing herself from the seat and hurrying up the stairs. She sneaks into her room just before people start to exit theirs, not really in the mood to explain to people why she won’t be with them. She dresses hastily but still makes sure she looks presentable, giving her hair an extra smooth down before heading back downstairs. 

“That was fast. All right, let's go!” Hange waves to follow before walking off and Lotte hurries after them.

Lotte has to quicken her stride to keep up with Hange’s longer legs and faster pace. They pass the group of cadets on their way out of the barracks and Jean turns just in time to catch Lotte’s gaze. He quirks a questioning brow and she shrugs, pointing to Hange before turning her attention back to them to make sure she isn’t falling behind. 

“Section Commander, what exactly are we doing?” Lotte asks, taking a deep breath when Hange slightly slows their pace.

“We’re going to my office, I did tell you I wanted to ask you questions didn’t I?” 

Lotte remembers the conversation but she had kind of thought Hange had just been messing with her. 

“I don’t know that I’ll have very exciting answers.”

“Nonsense, I’m sure you’re plenty exciting!”

Lotte lets out an airy laugh, rubbing nervously at the back of her neck as they walk.

Once they’re inside the officer building Hange ushers her into their office. As soon as the door is closed Hange grabs one of her hands, pulling it close to their face and looking over her knuckles.

“You heal well, these scars look like they’ll fade. You’ve broken this pinky before, an old break though,” they muse, giving a small tug on Lotte’s left pinky and she tries not to wince at the slight ache it causes. “Oh, it healed wrong.”

“I broke it when I was twelve, I didn’t know broken bones needed to be reset,” Lotte admits, keeping her eyes downcast, a warmth still lingering on her cheeks.

“Throwing punches at twelve, what a spunky kid you must have been,” Hange chuckles.

Lotte tries to laugh it off as well but she feels her mouth go dry at the memory. She tries to shake it off, not wanting now to be the moment she spirals into another dissociative episode. 

“Yeah, I used to get in a lot of fights when I was little.”

“Interesting, you seem so mild mannered. Although you did choose to join the Scouts so I suppose it makes sense, you’ve just learned how to hide it.” Hange lets go of her hands and Lotte quickly pulls them back to her sides. 

Lotte watches them ramble on for a bit more about something, she’s not really paying attention anymore if she’s being completely honest. From what she’s heard, Hange is a bit eclectic, and is crazy about researching and finding things out about the Titans. But as far as she knows she’s never heard of them taking particular interest in a person.

“You see we don’t have many people that know much more than the basics for medical care, it’d be nice to have someone else who does for when things get bad out there.” Lotte tunes back in for that sentence and blinks up at them.

“And you want that to be me?” She asks, restlessly pulling at her fingers as she looks up into their soft brown eyes.

“Yes, something tells me you have some experience in taking care of wounds,” they lean forward and whisper the words like they’re a secret, their eyes landing meaningfully on Lotte’s left forearm. 

Lotte’s eyes go wide, curling her hand around her forearm and taking a slight step back as Hange straightens back up. They have a gentle kind of smile on their face, but there’s a somberness in their eyes.

“You do a good job keeping it covered but I caught a glimpse of it when you came to Levi’s office.”

“Oh.” Lotte tugs absently on her sleeve, as if trying to conceal what is already hidden. “It’s not what you think.”

“It doesn’t matter what I think, it’s none of my business. All I need from you is a yes or no,” they shrug. 

Lotte chews on her lip before giving a slow nod, shifting to clasp her hands behind her back.

“Ok, I’ll do it.”

“Wonderful, I’ll let the others know you’ll be training with me more often,” they beam, back to their bubbly self. “Looking forward to working with you Lotte!” 


End file.
